Most every little girl fantasizes what she will look like in her new white wedding dress as she walks down the aisle to be married to her "Prince Charming." On the other hand, most boys look at girls with a guttural expression like "yuk!" That is until he sees the one girl that causes his eyes to bug out and his heart to melt.
Marriage is so much more than two love swept young adults who are entering that commitment without a clue as to what its all about. A wise pastor/counselor will spend multiple sessions with the engaged couple helping them to get a grasp on reality, that is without scaring one or both away, long before the marriage ceremony.
The commitment of two very different people, in love though they may be, who are from different families and who are from two different places was visualized in a song whose lyrics said that women are from "Venus" while men are from "Mars." So it is that the couple, which is so very different from each other, is off on an educational journey of learning so much that is totally new about life and forgetting so much about unreal expectations. Both will remain distinct because each has been created in the image of God...yet the "two shall become one" as they meld their two personalities into one which is stronger and enhanced. Separate they are weak but like iron ore when melded (by heat) with carbon become strong steel, when the two individuals become one, they too are so much stronger.
The Apostle Paul, in his letter to the church in Ephesus, helped the church in that place, and he helps all people of subsequent times, to understand the very basic relationship of the man and woman in marriage. Lets look briefly at that passage of Holy Scripture and see just what it is that God intends for the marriage relationship to look like.
Before I begin this brief Spirit-led instruction on marriage, I want to tell you that the first priority before a Godly marriage is that each individual must have a personal relationship with God. If you do not have that relationship, your marriage will be a tuff, rocky road. The Word of God tells us that "God so loved the world (that's you and me) that He gave His One and only Son (Jesus Christ) so that whoever would believe on Him might have eternal life" (John 3:16). Jesus lived a perfect life on earth and died a horrific death to pay the penalty for your sins and mine.
Someone once described this act of God's Son as "He paid a debt that He did not owe, because we had a debt that we could not pay." God is Holy...perfect and without any flaw...and He cannot have a relationship, which He has desired to have from creation, with you because you (and I, and all men and women) are flawed by sin. Sin is failing to live up to the God standard of perfection. That's why only Jesus could pay the price for that sin since He alone is sinless.
In order to have that relationship with God, which in and of itself is a very special gift from Him, we are told in Paul's letter to the Romans, chapter 10:9-10, that "if you openly declare that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. For it is by believing in your heart that you are made right with God, and its is by openly declaring your faith that you are saved." And verse 13 says, "Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved."
If you have never received the "free" gift of salvation, and you really want that for your life, you can do it right now. Just pray to God, "I accept Jesus as Lord of my life and I believe in my heart that You were raised from the dead for me. I want to thank you God for saving me and for giving me everlasting life in a relationship with You." If you have done this I want to personally welcome you into the family of God.
Now, having done this, if you have a Bible, I want you to open your Bible to the New Testament book of Ephesians and read from chapter 5. (If you do not have a Bible, you should purchase one, or you can contact me and I'll see to it that you get one.) Ephesians 5:2 says that we are to "live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ." Now comes the instructions for living together as husband and wife.
"...submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the savior of his body, the church. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything. For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up His life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God's Word. He did this to present her to Himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. And we are members of his body."
As the Scriptures say, "A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one." (Ephesians 5:21-31)
You wives may question the requirement that you are to submit to your husband. Yet, I believe that you will find it an easy thing to do if your husband truly loves you as he follows the loving example of Christ who demonstrated His love for the church (that's all who believe in Him) by sacrificing His life for her. How can all this be done? Remember, the prologue to this instruction is that we are to "live a life filled with love." And, its not just the wife who has to submit but both the wife and the husband are to "...submit to one another out of reverence for Christ."
When this balance gets out of whack as one or both of the partners decides to think more of themselves than they think of the other, hurt feelings and broken hearts result causing the breakdown of the covenant that was made in the vows taken at the beginning.
Divorce often is the result of the broken vows...not just because of infidelity...it is more than that. The directive that "the two shall become one" devolves into the one becoming two! However, there is always hope for reconciliation, especially for the marriage of two people who have given their lives to Christ. You see, in Him, all things are possible. It will take much work from both, maybe some valuable Christian counselling, but in the end, the effort will be worth it all and God will be glorified in the process.
The next verse in that passage of Scripture from Ephesians 5, verse 32, says, "This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one." As we learn to live together as husband and wife, we learn the eternal lesson of the relationship of Christ and the church. He gave His life for her and she (we) submits to Him as Lord and Savior. Marriage when lived in relationship with each other is the training ground for so much more than a few decades of living together. Rather, it is the preparation for an understanding of just what it will be like to live with Christ in His kingdom and through everlasting life.